Remember Maria? The girl that interviewed me awhile back? Yeah, well, she called again. I asked if she'd gotten my number from one of the other stalls in the girl's locker room this time, she told me "no" it was "the same as last time". Damn, I knew I should'a updated my info on those bathroom walls. Well, long story short, it turns out that Maria needed another easy C+ for her journalism class. I told her that "blowing her teacher would've gotten her at least an B+", she said her teacher was an "old fat ugly lady", I said "oh, yeah, I remember her when I got a B+ in that class". And, so began...
ANOTHER INTERVIEW WITH A MADMAN???
Do you wear a name tag at work?
Hell no. That would make me more obvious as I am a professional pick-pocket at a train station.
What kind of car do you drive?
An old van with no windows.
What do you order when you go to Taco Bell?
Something without salmonella in it…
Have you ever had a garage sale?
I once sold someone's garage while they were out of town. I also sold their yard.
Are any of your Great-Grandparents still alive?
If I say “all my grandparents are great” will I get an extra dollar in my Xmas card this year?
Do you suck the helium out of balloons?
I suck the breath from sleeping children.
What size is your bed?
Large enough to put a dead hooker between the mattresses.
Have you ever had pneumonia?
No, but I've drank ammonia. What drain brammage?
Do you always use your blinkers?
Isn't that what the Australians call “tits”?
Do you have a ceiling fan in your room?
I took it down so those fucking Gremlins couldn't swing on it anymore.
Have you ever been to a full service gas station?
Are we talking glory holes in the men's room?
What color is your iPod?
Fuck your trendy bullshit.
What kind of dog do you have?
The kind that eats cats.
Have your older brothers or sisters ever told you that you were adopted?
I told them they were the product of incest.
What is your favorite keychain on your keys?
The ear I sliced off that guy in a knife fight.
What did you get for graduation?
“Get the fuck out of the house.”
Who introduced you to Dane Cook?
His coke dealer.
Who was your prom date?
Cliff Claven's mom.
Has someone ever made you a Build-A-Bear?
No. Does this mean no one loves me? =(
What's something fun you did today?
Slap my nuts against my taint loud enough for other people to hear.
Has your house ever been TP'd??
Triple Penetrated?
What do you think of when you hear the word "meow"?
Fussy gay men.
What is your high school's biggest rival's mascot?
Probably that chick that did the whole football team.
When is your mom's birthday?
Like I give a fuck. She never remembered mine.
What did you get for Valentine's Day?
Anal sex. Don't tell my wife.
Is there anything hanging from your rear view mirror?
Chrome Truck Nuts.
How many states in the US have you been to?
All 53 of them.
What are you going to do after this?
Weep bitterly and masturbate with the tears.
What is something you need to go shopping for?
Bear Traps and iPods. heh heh.
Do you have the same name as one of your relatives?
Yep. And they're all dead. Coincidence...? That's for the legal system to decide!
What bank do you go to?
For what? Robbery?
Do you like pickles?
Are you calling me a pole smoker?
What is your favorite kind of gum?
The kind I find under seats.
What is your favorite kind of juice?
Arterial spray.
Do you have any tan lines?
There's one on my ass that looks like a penis, I don't remember where that came from.
What hospital were you born in?
Arkham Asylum.
Do you remember the name of your kindergarten teacher?
Miss Lippy.
~~Trey